Thursday August 27, 2015 3:21 p.m. MDT
Overcast
Overcast
You are not logged in. ( Log inCreate account)

Back to home

Steamboat Movie Times

Wildhorse Stadium Cinemas
655 Marketplace Plaza
970-870-8222
www.metrotheatres.com


Aug. 14 to Aug. 20

“Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation” PG-13
2:10, 4:50 and 8 p.m. Daily

“The Man from U.N.C.L.E.” PG-13
2, 4:40 and 7:40 p.m. Daily

“Trainwreck” R
2:50, 5:20 and 8:10 p.m. Friday through Wednesday
2:50 and 5:20 p.m. Thursdays

“Ricki and the Flash” PG-13
2:30, 5 and 7:30 p.m. Daily

“Fantastic Four” PG-13
2:20, 5:10 and 7:50 p.m. Friday through Wednesday
2:20 and 5:10 p.m. Thursday

“The Gift” R
2:40, 5:40 and 8:20 p.m. Friday through Wednesday
2:40 and 5:40 p.m. Thursday

Summer Kids Series: “Despicable Me 2” PG
10 a.m. Aug. 18 all seats $2


Aug. 21 to Aug. 27

“Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation” PG-13
4:40 and 7:40 p.m. Friday through Monday
4:40 p.m. ends Tuesday

“The Man from U.N.C.L.E.” PG-13
2, 5:20 and 7:30 p.m. Friday through Tuesday
5:20 and 7:30 p.m. Wednesday and Thursday

“American Ultra” R
2:30, 5:10 and 7:50 p.m. Friday through Tuesday
5:10 and 7:50 p.m. Wednesday and Thursday

“Ricki and the Flash” PG-13
2:20 p.m. Friday through Tuesday, ends Tuesday

“Hitman: Agent 47” R
2:40, 5:30 and 8 p.m. Friday through Tuesday
5:30 and 8 p.m. Wednesday and Thursday

“Straight Outta Compton” R
1:50, 5 and 8:10 p.m. Friday through Tuesday
5 and 8:10 p.m. Wednesday and Thursday

“Sinister 2” R
2:50, 5:40 and 8:20 p.m. Friday through Tuesday
5:40 and 8:20 p.m. Wednesday and Thursday


“Hitman: Agent 47”
Sci-fi action, R, 96 minutes
We're constantly reminded of the video game origins of "Hitman: Agent 47," from the pulsating music designed to keep our blood pumping to the heavy use of quick cuts interspersed with super-slow-mo violence to the look and even the performances of the slick and attractive cast. Not for a second does any of this feel like anything that could take place in anything resembling the real world, but I suppose that's the point. We don't attend something like "Hitman: Agent 47" looking for gritty realism, but what we DO expect is an entertaining and reasonably clever thrill ride. No such luck. Director Aleksander Bach seems to be having quite the good time creating elaborate fight sequences and shootouts. The screenplay by Skip Woods and Michael Finch contains some major zigs and zags, but one can see the big twists coming a mile away. All signs point to a sequel and maybe even multiple "Hitman" films. After sitting through this one, you might view that as more of a threat than a promise.
Rating: One and a half stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“American Ultra”
Action, Adventure, Comedy, R, 95 minutes
What buoys "American Ultra" are the performances, and the casting director must be commended for putting together a group of talented actors who bring real emotional stakes to their characters. Eisenberg and Stewart are perfectly matched, and her performance is a warm reminder that Stewart, released from the chains of "Twilight," is a remarkable actress. You really do believe in their love and want these kids to make it. This is a deeply weird film - in the best way - and feels incredibly of this particular moment. There's at once intense paranoia about a nefarious, shadowy, murderous, spying government, coupled with a streak of liberal libertarianism. Mike just wants to get stoned, be happy and have the government leave him alone, embracing the '60s ethos of "turn on, tune in, drop out." Ultimately, the humanist nature of the film doesn't allow that to fully happen, but it's a heck of a lot of fun watching Mike figure that out.
Rating: Two and a half stars

— Roger Moore Tribune News Service

“Sinister 2”
Horror, R, 92 minutes
Horror sequel “Sinister 2” is a very strange movie. Of course, it’s a horror film, so strange, ghostly, and sinister events are expected. Yet this is a horror film that doesn’t quite know what it is. You can’t tell if the filmmakers (director Ciarán Foy and screenwriters Scott Derrickson and C. Robert Cargill) are deliberately going for a bit of a goofy, throwback feel, but that’s what comes across in this spooky tale. The most sinister thing in “Sinister 2” is the terrifying domestic violence and its ripples throughout the family. In a final sequence that pays homage to Michael Powell’s classic “Peeping Tom,” there emerges a rather conservative message about the effects of violent imagery on children, which is itself an indictment of watching horror movies. If that is the case, audiences shouldn’t worry too much, as the effects of “Sinister 2” won’t be long-lasting.
Rating: Three and a half stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“The Man from U.N.C.L.E”
Spy adventure, PG-13, 116 minutes
If Ethan Hunt and his pals from the Impossible Missions Force ever took a breather and decided to have a night at the movies, I bet they'd like "The Man From U.N.C.L.E.": So THAT'S how they did it back in the day! Check out those crazy old telephones and those old-timey planes and guns and cars! Like the "Mission: Impossible" film franchise, "The Man From U.N.C.L.E" is based on a Cold War-era television series created in the 1960s -- but whereas the Tom Cruise movies are set in the present day, and recent editions have only the most tenuous connection to the original material, Guy Ritchie's slick, stylish and consistently entertaining take on "U.N.C.L.E." is an origins story set in the early 1960s. Elizabeth Debicki does fine work as the villainous temptress Victoria. Hugh Grant is great fun in a too-brief role as Waverly, the classic higher-up who might be the only one in the movie who understands the complexities of the mission, and the true loyalties of all the players. Jared Harris, who was Lane Pryce on "Mad Men" and Professor Moriarty in Ritchie's "Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows," is excellent as Solo's manipulative boss at the CIA. "The Man From U.N.C.L.E." plays like a lower-key, vintage edition of a "Mission: Impossible" movie. It's a good movie with a great look.
Rating: Three stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“Fantastic Four”
Sci-fi action, PG-13, 105 minutes
My favorite scene in the decidedly mediocre "Fantastic Four" comes late in the game, when Reed Richards, Johnny Storm, Sue Storm and the Thing meet with government and military officials in a conference room. They've got croissants in a basket and coffee in fancy white china cups. What's that about? Are they mocking the Thing because there's no way he'd be able to put his rocky pinky through the cup handle? Do they really expect Johnny Storm to load up on the pastries before he gets his flame on? Maybe the goodies are just for the normal humans. A bunch of mostly humorless brainiacs are transformed into mutants with superpowers not nearly as interesting or complex or inherently dramatic as the gifts-slash-curses of a Superman or a Spidey. This is a lightweight and basically unnecessary attempt to bring some cinematic life to one of the lesser teams in the Marvel Universe.
Rating: One and a half stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“The Gift”
Thriller, R, 105 minutes
Australian actor Joel Edgerton ("Exodus: Gods and Kings," "The Great Gatsby," "Warrior") Joel Edgerton writes, directs and co-stars in a chilling little gem that feels like a disturbing whisper in the night. Jason Bateman is first-rate as a transplant to California whose life is invaded by an awkward acquaintance from high school (Edgerton). Just when we think we know where "The Gift" is going, we're surprised. "The Gift" is not without a couple of minor missteps. Early on, Simon does something really stupid -- the kind of obvious move that might as well come with subtitles proclaiming, “He’s going to regret this.” Not necessary. A scene in which Simon and Robyn go to Gordo's house feels a bit off from the start, and isn't as subtle as it could have been. Still. This is a tense, nerve-wracking thriller of the mind, with first-rate performances by Bateman, Hall and Edgerton -- a tightly spun thriller with a wicked sense of humor and a wonderfully warped take on long-range karma. Just when we think we know where "The Gift" is going, we're surprised. And then surprised again.
Rating: Three and a half stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation”
Action PG-13, 131 minutes
With "Mission: Impossible — Rogue Nation," we're getting the best Bond movie since "Casino Royale" in 2006. OK, so Ethan Hunt isn't James Bond and the Impossible Missions Force isn't MI6, but the "MI" films are essentially Bond movies, with a touch of "Bourne" and a whole lot of Tom Cruise doing what he does best — looking about 15 years younger than his true age (Cruise recently turned 53), performing harrowing stunts, engaging in clever banter with his adversaries, and doing it all with just the hint of a smirk that tells us even when it appears certain Mr. Hunt is facing imminent death, he'll find a way to free himself from the clutches of the most dastardly, sneering villain. At times the deception and the intrigue and the twists and turns make it nearly impossible to follow every detail of the plot, but even when things get muddled, we know Ethan's our hero, and we know we'll eventually learn the true intentions of Ilsa and the rest of the players.
Rating: Three and a half stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“Vacation"
Comedy, R, 99 minutes
Few comedy franchises in film history have a more bizarre saga than the "National Lampoon's Vacation" series. Yup, the original Harold Ramis/John Hughes film from 1983 was a low-rent comedy classic, with Chevy Chase's bumbling Clark Griswold hell-bent on taking his family from Chicago to the California theme park Wally World. Now we're subjected to "Vacation," with Ed Helms as Clark's grown-up son, Rusty, and it's a vile, odious disaster populated with unlikable, dopey characters bumbling through mean-spirited set pieces that rely heavily on slapstick fight scenes, scatological sight gags and serial vomiting. Pack the car and take the whole family! Let the wacky road-trip antics ensue! There's a callback to the famous scene from the 1983 film where Clark leers at a beautiful blonde (Christie Brinkley) who zips by in a red convertible -- but this time around the payoff is brutally unfunny. A stopover at Debbie's college results in some really bad acting from actresses playing sorority girls, some cringe-inducing reveals about Debbie's past and a drinking-and-vomiting scene because we haven't had enough of those in crass comedies. I'm all for bawdy, politically incorrect, wildly inappropriate humor -- when there are consistent and genuine laughs to be mined from the material. This just sits there like a steaming pile of stuff you walk around.
Rating: One star

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“Southpaw"
Drama R, 124 minutes
Even with the searing, ear-splitting hip-hop soundtrack featuring Eminem and Bad Meets Evil and Action Bronson & Joey Bada$$, even with the edgy camerawork and the 21st-century setting, "Southpaw" comes across as a movie concoction you'd get if you put a bunch of old boxing films in a cinematic blender. Famously chiseled for the role to the point where he's more ripped than 90 percent of actual professional fighters, Jake Gyllenhaal plays Billy Hope (that name!), a light-heavyweight boxer fighting battles in and out of the ring, as they say. Playing a boxing champ who loses it all, Gyllenhaal looks really good in the ring in director Antoine Fuqua's blood-spitting, melodramatic and shamelessly sentimental drama containing elements from many boxing movies, everything from "The Champ" to any number of "Rockys."Even when we're aware our emotions are being manipulated, we're rooting hard for Billy Hope to beat the odds and climb the mountain, because have you seen how movie-adorable his daughter is? Don't they deserve some happiness?
Rating: Three and a half stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“Paper Towns"
Drama, PG-13, 109 minutes
Shy teen Quentin (Nat Wolff) searches for his crush, Margo (Cara Delevingne), when she goes missing after they spend a magical night together. Some compelling side characters and sharp, funny dialogue elevate the drama from novelist John Green ("The Fault in Our Stars")"Paper Towns" is particularly good at pinpointing that certain time in teenage male friendships where the guys are getting older, but they still sometimes resort to silly voices and goofy humor when the girls aren't around. (These guys love each other, but they know that once they're off to separate colleges, they're more likely to stay in touch on social media than on any consistent, in-person basis.) The soundtrack is peppered with the 21st-century version of tunes you would have heard in a John Hughes movie back in the day. There's just the right amount of voice-over narration. And once we find out what happened to Margo -- suffice to say it feels right.
Rating: Three and a half stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“Pixels"
Comedy, PG-13, 105 minutes
This showdown with alien invaders disguised as 1980s video game characters has a few inspired action sequences and a handful of laugh-out-loud moments, but the special effects are surprisingly average -- and Adam Sandler's lazy acting doesn't help. he interaction between the humans and the CGI invaders lacks depth and texture, even in the 3-D version I saw. Dinklage scores some laughs as the horny Eddie, who requests a menage a trois with Serena Williams and Martha Stewart in the Lincoln Bedroom as a condition of him helping to save the world. Sandler tosses off a funny insult here and there, but has zero chemistry with Monaghan as his potential love interest. Visual gags featuring familiar 1980s icons fall flat for the most part. It appears Columbus was going for a "Ghostbusters" feel, complete with scenes of the gamers becoming instant celebrities in New York as they do battle with mysterious forces in the sky. "Pixels" is devoid of cynicism and it has a cheerfully cheesy vibe; it's the kind of movie you'll forget about a week after seeing it.
Rating: Two stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“Minions"
Romantic comedy, R, 124 minutes
Amy Schumer is great in bed. Before somebody alerts TMZ or Perez Hilton, let's clarify we're talking about Amy Schumer in "Trainwreck," and when I say she's great, I mean she's flat-out hilarious, whether she's waking up in a stranger's bed and saying to herself, "Please don't be a dorm room, please don't be a dorm room"; coaching her hopeless hunk of a boyfriend through some dirty talk; fumbling through a drunken escapade with an inappropriate partner; or setting the rules for a post-sex sleepover, when all she really wants to do is go home so she can, you know, sleep. Schumer's performance is a tour de force of razor-sharp comedic timing. A Walk of Shame that extends to a Boat Ride of Shame on the Staten Island Ferry is priceless. Little moments, like a discussion of how to properly call for the check, feel just right. Even when the comedy in "Trainwreck" goes from sublime to broad, we believe Amy and Aaron and the people in their lives could be sitting at the next table in a restaurant, or next to us at a Knicks game.
Rating: Three and a half stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“Ant-Man“
Superhero action, PG-13, 117 minutes
The problem with the "Ant-Man" movie is they made an "Ant-Man" movie. Not that it would be impossible to make an entertaining big-screen version of a pretty fascinating comic-book character, but in the modern-day superhero movie library, director Peyton Reed's take on the incredible shrinking fella belongs on the same shelf with the 2005 version of "The Fantastic Four," various "Hulk" misfires and "The Green Lantern.” This is a lightweight, cliche-riddled origins story that veers between inside-joke comedy, ponderous redemption story lines and admittedly nifty CGI sequences that still seem relatively insignificant compared to the high stakes and city-shattering destruction that take place in most of the "Avengers" movies. They're pests, and that's just a weird place to start for a superhero, especially if he never strays too far from his origins.
Rating: Two stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“Minions"
Animation, comedy, family PG, 91 minutes
“Minions” is ninety minutes of random wackiness, a pleasantly harmless and inconsequential origin story for those tiny, yellow goggle-eyed sidekicks to “Despicable Me,” aka evil genius Gru. Built on an across-the-epochs search for the ultimate villainous “Boss,” from T-Rex through Sandra Bullock, it plays to the youngest movie goers, who’ll giggle at the sight gags and get the jokes, even if they’re told in gibberish that the adorable little freaks use to communicate. The real rib-splitter here is that somebody got a screenwriting credit for this mishmash, and that they had the gall to slap 3D ticket prices on it. But “Minions” will tickle the very young and has roughly twice as many laughs as those Disney “Planes” pictures, or Pixar’s “Monster’s University.” So “Kumbaya,” kids, kumbaya.
Rating: Two and a half stars

— Roger Moore Tribune News Service

“Selfless"
Sci-fi thriller, PG-13, 116 minutes
The ridiculousness in "Self/less" starts with the exaggerated "Noo Yawk" accent Ben Kingsley employs as a ruthless business tycoon who delights in humiliating young rivals even as he's in the final stages of cancer and has weeks to live. We all know Sir Ben is a world-class actor. But this accent. Whoa. "Selfless" has echoes of better movies, from John Frankenheimer's 1966 sci-fi thriller "Seconds" to "Total Recall" to "The Matrix" to the Jason Bourne films.Kingsley plays Damian (there's an omen), a Manhattan kingpin who has immeasurable wealth (he lives in an opulent penthouse dripping with gold) -- but the one thing he can't buy is more time. The film raises some fascinating issues and offers a tease or two of a better movie before devolving into a medley of chases and shootouts.
Rating: Two stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“Magic Mike XXL"
Comedy, R, 115 minutes
Sitting through "Magic Mike XXL" is like being a sober straight guy at a drunken bachelorette party where you not only have to sit through an endless medley of Cirque-du-Soleil-meets-Chippendales dance routines, you have to listen to the dancers talk about life between routines. Kill me now. Channing Tatum returns as the titular character in a movie that is so excruciatingly dumb I felt as if someone had shaved 10 points off my IQ by the time I bolted for the exits. But the big finale, in which each of the main guys gets his own set piece, complete with elaborate sets and a specific theme, is beyond absurd. I know: I'm not the target audience. Perhaps the fans that come to "Magic Mike XXL" for nothing more than a silly, steamy good time will find just that. Enjoy. Just don't say I didn't warn you about all that male-stripper conversation.
Rating: One star

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

"Terminator Genisys"
Sci-fi action, PG-13, 125 minutes
In the admittedly well-made and action-packed but ridiculously convoluted and sometimes even off-putting "Terminator Genisys," the fantastically entertaining Arnold Schwarzenegger is back as the old-school cyborg who never uses 10 words when five will do. The best thing in the movie is Schwarzenegger, who delivers the Guardian's lines with perfect timing and creates an empathetic character because, as we know, nearly all the best movie robots somehow become just a little bit human as time goes on. When bad things happen to the Guardian, we feel it. Not so much with the new Sarah and the new Reese and the new John Connor, who simply don't resonate like their counterparts from the 1980s and 1990s. Of course, the special effects are more impressive than ever. But nearly every curveball offered up in this new parallel-universe version of the Terminator world isn't as interesting or as original as the timeline we loved in the first place.
Rating: Two stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“Ted 2”
Comedy, R, 116 minutes
The thing about Ted is, he's a jerk.Yes, it's quite a thing -- a talking, beer-swilling, pot-smoking, foul-mouthed teddy bear interacting with the humans of Boston, working as a cashier, even falling in love with and marrying a hot and trashy woman who is crazy about him even though he doesn't have a driver's license. It's a testimony to Seth MacFarlane's wonderfully twisted imagination and to the special effects that we pretty much buy into the character of Ted as he engages in juvenile hijinks with his best friend, John (Mark Wahlberg), cracks wise about pop culture, spends much of his time chasing the perfect high and insults the majority of people he encounters. Wahlberg does have chemistry with Ted, which IS kind of amazing given Ted's a combination of MacFarlane's voice and a stuffed animal and CGI magic. And every 15 minutes or so, I got a hearty so-wrong-it's-right laugh out of a visual gag or a cringe-inducing bit of dialogue. Mostly though, "Ted 2" feels like far too many other sequels: born of box office expectations more than a bona fide reason to return to the characters we loved the first time around.
Rating: Two stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“Inside Out”
Animated adventure, PG, 93 minutes
The very best Pixar films aren't just children's movies with references and touchstones to keep the adults interested; they're ambitious, complex, deeply layered movies for grown-ups that happen to be populated with characters, colors and primary stories that appeal to children as well. It's like an animated "Wizard of Oz" adventure within Riley's mind. Riley's memories arrive in the form of color-coded orbs and are stored away. Some of her experiences become important, influential long-term memories; others are dumped into the vast wasteland of forgotten experiences. So it is with "Inside Out," a bold, gorgeous, sweet, funny, sometimes heartbreakingly sad, candy-colored adventure that deserves an Academy Award nomination for best picture. Not just in the animated category -- in the big-kid section, right there with the top-tier live-action films. It's one of the best movies of the year, period.
Rating: Four stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“Jurassic World”
Sci-fi action, PG-13, 124 minutes
"Jurassic World" is pure, dumb, wall-to-wall fun. When they hand you your 3-D glasses, you can check your brain at the door and pick it up on your way out. "Jurassic World" earns every inch of its PG-13 rating for some bone-crunching violence, numerous scenes of dinosaurs munching on humans and blood spraying here and there. There's one fairly sick and wickedly funny scene in which a character is plucked from the ground by a Pteranodon and then dropped in mid-air, only to land in the clutches of another Pteranodon, Cirque du Soleil-style, and that's not the end of her dilemma. The special effects are indeed pretty special. Rare is the occasion when it doesn't feel as if humans and dinosaurs are sharing the same space. (It does happen once or twice.)You happily strap on the seat belt and let the silly greatness of it all wash over you.
Rating: Three and a half stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“Entourage”
Comedy, R, 104 minutes
The HBO series "Entourage" was a slick, funny, sexy slice of eye candy, loosely based on Mark Wahlberg's early adventures in Hollywood as a rising star -- but by the time the show ended its seven-year run in 2011, it had already been spinning its wheels for a couple of years. Four years later, here comes "Entourage" the movie, and it's like catching up with an old friend and remembering why you don't hang out with him anymore: He's stuck in a rut and he has nothing new to say. You know a movie's in trouble when several minutes are devoted to a Piers Morgan interview with Vinnie and E. Piers Morgan as Piers Morgan? I don't want to see that on TV, let alone on the big screen.There's gratuitous nudity, lots of partying, zippy camera moves, plenty of product placement and did we mention all those celebrity cameos? t all feels more like a rerun than a fully formed, stand-alone movie.
Rating: Two stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“Spy”
Comedy, R, 120 minutes
The Central Intelligence Agency of "Spy" is maybe the least competent and most ridiculous CIA in movie history. A war room in the basement of Langley headquarters is infested with mice AND bats, and the agents working the computers and acting as eyes and ears for the spies in the field seem more concerned with office birthday parties than, you know, making sure nobody on their team gets killed out there. In the field, many of the CIA operatives are either corrupt or bungling or both. A deskbound CIA agent (Melissa McCarthy) is sent on an undercover mission in a foul-mouthed, often hilariously disgusting, slightly padded comedy that soars on the bountiful comedic talents of McCarthy, Rose Byrne and Jason Statham. What does work, in every scene, is Melissa McCarthy's performance. She's as funny and as winning as anyone in the movies these days.
Rating: Two stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“Aloha”
Comedy, drama, romance PG-13, 105 minutes
Bradley Cooper is terrific as a defense contractor working in Hawaii, reconnecting with an ex (Rachel McAdams) and charmed by a fighter pilot (Emma Stone). Brian respects the Hawaiian culture, and Allison is a flat-out spiritual devotee. There's lots of talk of various Hawaiian myths. We get a strange and beautiful occurrence late one night that may or may not have been an apparition. At times it does have the feel of a movie that's less than the sum of its parts, as it veers from a study of the complicated political history and rich cultural traditions of Hawaii to a commentary on filthy rich civilians using the military for their own gain to a romantic quadrangle, and what's with the colonel and his flying fingers, anyway? And there are some lovely musical interludes. Cameron Crowe has directed a great-looking movie with just enough bright spots to get us past the cloudy moments.
Rating: Three stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate

“San Andreas"
Action, drama, thriller. PG-13, 114 minutes
Disaster movies, which pre-date the zeitgeist’s fascination with a world falling apart around us, are always great measures of the state of the Hollywood art of special effects. In “San Andreas,” you will believe the ground is rippling under Los Angeles, the cracking collapse of Hoover Dam and a tidal wave is submerging San Francisco. But what sells this formulaic corker of Apocalypse Porn is the cast. Paul Giamatti, as a Cal Tech seismologist who has just this minute uncovered a way to predict earthquakes, wears the horror of what he sees and what he knows is to come on his face.Carla Gugino and Alexandra Daddario let panic, grief and relief when the shaking ends wash over them in what feels like real time.“San Andreas” is a well-executed reminder of why we don’t need to fret over the zombie apocalypse when there are plenty of things Mother Earth can throw at us.
Rating: Two stars

— Richard Roeper, Universal Press Syndicate